The other day I was having one of those days. You know the ones where you feel as if you used to be a somebody, a person that mattered in the world who didn't do the same bloody thing day after day after day? No? It's just me, then? Great. Anyway, I was having one of those days when my husband suggested we watch the newest enstallment of the 'Shrek Empire' known as Shrek Forever After. We tucked our prize possession into his crib with a blankie and a kiss and headed to the living room for 'movie night'. The movie began with showing a typical joyous day in Shrek's life with his wife and three baby ogres, where everyone was happily enjoying each other's company...all smiles and sunshine. It then showed day two with the exact same sequence of events, but this time Shrek was getting a little annoyed with the monotony of the day. It then showed a few more days with the exact same events, but with Shrek reaching his breaking point of 'Holy shit, this is getting OLD!!' Same thing, everyday. The first day fabulous, consecutive days not so much.
It was at this point that I realized, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!!! I have a fabulous life, a wonderful husband who provides for his family, an adorable, sweet little boy that I love with all my heart and a few furry friends to boot (sometimes literally if they get underfoot accidentally). Then why was I feeling so 'woe is me'...what the hell did I have to complain about?! Well, I'm SHREK! Not the big green ogre part, although at certain times I'm sure my husband would disagree, but the whole 'day one was great, but repeating day one 365 times is driving me NUTS!' Suddenly I didn't feel so alone anymore...a big green cartoon was going through the same thing as me!
Shrek was also perturbed with the fact that no one was scared by him anymore, that he wasn't a 'real' ogre anymore. Sound familiar, anyone? Yep, I'm Shrek.
I couldn't wait to see how Shrek would learn to get over his feelings of monotony and learn to love his life so that I could too. I mean if we can't learn from cartoons, what is the world coming to?! Without giving away the movie, which was hilarious and sweet, basically what transpired was a spin on It's a Wonderful Life. By the end of the movie, Shrek learns to appreciate his nice little life with his wife, three cute little green ogres and his two 'pets', donkey and puss and so do I. Well, I only have one cute little green ogre...wait, he's not green....anyway, you get the idea.
Basically I have come to realize that, just like Shrek, I DO have the 'Forever After' that I've always dreamed of. I have a husband that loves me, a happy, healthy little boy, a roof over my head and a few luxuries sprinkled on top. So what if things get a little montonous now and then and that I'm not a 'real' ogre (oops, I mean teacher) anymore? It's those repetitive days that make me who I am...a wife, a mom, a substitute teacher and it's up to me to learn to love them. In the meantime, I bought a book of 365 activities to do with a toddler.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
But I play one on tv...
There should be support groups for people in my line of work. We would meet once a week, Fridays to be exact, and they would give out stickers for members who share stories and medals for perfect attendance. I can see it now, the first time a member attended a meeting. They'd nervously stand up because they were in front of adults, something that makes us all nervous and say, 'Hi, my name is Ms. Smith and I am a substitute teacher'. Then, they'd burst into tears as the veteran memebers gave them a standing ovation.
Yes folks, I am (GASP!) a substitute teacher. I wasn't always this way. I used to be an actual teacher, complete with my own classroom and actual students to teach. It was glorious! I taught a split 5/6 class and also taught science to grade 3/4's. I LOVED my job, every part of it. I loved the planning, I loved teaching, I loved the kids, I loved my staff, hell, I even loved supervision! I am a self proclaimed geek. One of those people who love being in school so much that I attended it myself for 20 years (Kindergarten - 12 and then 7 years of University to obtain a BA and a BEd.) and then chose to stay in a classroom to teach others. Well, that was the plan anyway...
After my husband and I brought the most adorable, sweet, heart wrenchingly lovable, crappy sleeper into the world we wanted to be closer to home (we lived across the country) and my husband wanted a better career. So I resigned from my teaching position and we moved back across the country to live in an area North of 'home'. It was incredibly hard to leave my 'kids' and my school behind, but I was on maternity leave so the full force of what I was doing had not kicked in yet. But wait, it would...and it would hit hard!
Fast forward to September, when the new school year started, and I became a dreaded substitute teacher! I am one of those people who come in and out of children`s lives one random day at a time and not ONE person gives a shit that I am even there. When I say that I fell hard from my imaginary`pedastal`, I mean I fell HARD! I went from entering a school with kids excitedly yelling, `Mrs. L!`, to entering a school where kids yelled, `We got a substitute!`and proceeded to be utterly disrespectful. I`ve had students say, `She`s not a REAL teacher, she`s a substitute`, with pure disgust in their voices, as if I were crap on their shoe (and that was a grade 3 kid!!), and I`ve had kids outright defy me or refuse to do anything for the day.
Now I get that it`s a game...Ruin the Substitute`s Day. Good for you. My issue is how out of control the kids are here where I teach. I am actually afraid to send MY kid to school here once he is old enough for fear that he may act like that someday. (Note to self: research home schooling). The kids here, I have been told, are spoiled and have everything handed to them. If there is something new out, they get it. If they wreck it, they get a new one. There seems to be absolutely no consequences for bad behaviour and I fear for the `real` world once these kids are unleashed into it.
I must digress and say that they are not all bad and there are aspects of my newfound career that I love. I don`t have to plan, mark, deal with parents, or create report cards. Here`s what I do get, though. I get to be Mommy more often than I thought I would to the most adorable, sweet, heart wrenchingly lovable, finally-learned-to-like-sleep sleeper that you`ve ever laid eyes on. I guess my shiny new pedastal will be in the mail soon...it should be about 12 more years before I`m knocked off that one.
Yes folks, I am (GASP!) a substitute teacher. I wasn't always this way. I used to be an actual teacher, complete with my own classroom and actual students to teach. It was glorious! I taught a split 5/6 class and also taught science to grade 3/4's. I LOVED my job, every part of it. I loved the planning, I loved teaching, I loved the kids, I loved my staff, hell, I even loved supervision! I am a self proclaimed geek. One of those people who love being in school so much that I attended it myself for 20 years (Kindergarten - 12 and then 7 years of University to obtain a BA and a BEd.) and then chose to stay in a classroom to teach others. Well, that was the plan anyway...
After my husband and I brought the most adorable, sweet, heart wrenchingly lovable, crappy sleeper into the world we wanted to be closer to home (we lived across the country) and my husband wanted a better career. So I resigned from my teaching position and we moved back across the country to live in an area North of 'home'. It was incredibly hard to leave my 'kids' and my school behind, but I was on maternity leave so the full force of what I was doing had not kicked in yet. But wait, it would...and it would hit hard!
Fast forward to September, when the new school year started, and I became a dreaded substitute teacher! I am one of those people who come in and out of children`s lives one random day at a time and not ONE person gives a shit that I am even there. When I say that I fell hard from my imaginary`pedastal`, I mean I fell HARD! I went from entering a school with kids excitedly yelling, `Mrs. L!`, to entering a school where kids yelled, `We got a substitute!`and proceeded to be utterly disrespectful. I`ve had students say, `She`s not a REAL teacher, she`s a substitute`, with pure disgust in their voices, as if I were crap on their shoe (and that was a grade 3 kid!!), and I`ve had kids outright defy me or refuse to do anything for the day.
Now I get that it`s a game...Ruin the Substitute`s Day. Good for you. My issue is how out of control the kids are here where I teach. I am actually afraid to send MY kid to school here once he is old enough for fear that he may act like that someday. (Note to self: research home schooling). The kids here, I have been told, are spoiled and have everything handed to them. If there is something new out, they get it. If they wreck it, they get a new one. There seems to be absolutely no consequences for bad behaviour and I fear for the `real` world once these kids are unleashed into it.
I must digress and say that they are not all bad and there are aspects of my newfound career that I love. I don`t have to plan, mark, deal with parents, or create report cards. Here`s what I do get, though. I get to be Mommy more often than I thought I would to the most adorable, sweet, heart wrenchingly lovable, finally-learned-to-like-sleep sleeper that you`ve ever laid eyes on. I guess my shiny new pedastal will be in the mail soon...it should be about 12 more years before I`m knocked off that one.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Snuggle up in the corners of my mind...bring a flashlight, it's dark.
You may be wondering, 'Why a turtle shell'? Well, there are a few simple explanations for that; 1) nutshell was taken, 2) some people are allergic to nuts. Is anyone allergic to turtles? I think not, 3) turtles are cute, 4) sometimes I wish I could pull my arms, legs and head into my body and ignore the world around me, too.
I have created this blog, in part, because I want the world to read my thoughts and enjoy them, learn from them, change because of them, feel justified because of them and not feel alone because of them. Whew, that's a lot of pressure. I also created it to waste some time. At least one goal will be met...pressure decreased.
I've always thought about creating a blog, especially after reading a few books that came about because of blogs (Kevin Smith, Heather B. Armstrong). I found these books funny, interesting, and relatable at times. I dream of being able to do that for people...to make them laugh, to make them feel like there are others going through what they are, or to make people feel better about themselves because they've got it better than me. See, haha...funny.
You never know what could pop up in one of my rants. I know that I will no doubt share stories of being a mom, a wife, a substitute teacher, about living in the middle of nowhere and anything else I think needs to be heard because this is my blog and I do what I want. At least that's what the cool kids say, which makes me not cool because I had to point that out. So, I'd like to thank a close friend for starting a blog this year...from her I found that it was not hard to create one...I just clicked a button and here you have it, ramblings from me...lucky you.
I have created this blog, in part, because I want the world to read my thoughts and enjoy them, learn from them, change because of them, feel justified because of them and not feel alone because of them. Whew, that's a lot of pressure. I also created it to waste some time. At least one goal will be met...pressure decreased.
I've always thought about creating a blog, especially after reading a few books that came about because of blogs (Kevin Smith, Heather B. Armstrong). I found these books funny, interesting, and relatable at times. I dream of being able to do that for people...to make them laugh, to make them feel like there are others going through what they are, or to make people feel better about themselves because they've got it better than me. See, haha...funny.
You never know what could pop up in one of my rants. I know that I will no doubt share stories of being a mom, a wife, a substitute teacher, about living in the middle of nowhere and anything else I think needs to be heard because this is my blog and I do what I want. At least that's what the cool kids say, which makes me not cool because I had to point that out. So, I'd like to thank a close friend for starting a blog this year...from her I found that it was not hard to create one...I just clicked a button and here you have it, ramblings from me...lucky you.
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